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peckishmods) wrote2019-05-19 01:50 am
BEINGS
--the familiar-----
BIGFOOT WHINTOSSER G.A.S. MOTHMAN BEARRET MUSCHERON--the unfamiliar-----
BUB TIMOTHEYE POCKET TOPBIGFOOT
"On November 9, 1981, one of the biggest celebrities in the world COMPLETELY disappeared. Cryptonaturalists in charge of tracking the Bigfoot (best known for her appearance in the famous Patterson-Gimlin film) say that, some time in the early hours of the morning, the creature packed her bags, disabled her tracking device, and was never seen again.
'We thought maybe she got caught, or run out by Bigfoot hunters,' Cryptonaturalist Mike Sanchez speculated about the Sasquatch known as 'Beefy' — a nickname taken from her tracking ID #B3FEE. 'But for all we know it coulda been credit card debt.'
Sightings of Beefy the Bigfoot have cropped up all over the country, but proving them has been almost impossible. Gene Markov, author of Bigfoot's Breakfast Nook, claims to have stayed with Beefy and a mate when he was injured on a hike in Appalachia, while, in the same year, Wizard World News published photos purporting to be Beefy on a beach in Mexico.
That's not the only time this Bigfoot has been seen in two or three places at once. Click through for the BEST (and WORST) Beefy sightings!"
- Carlotta Perkins. "Find out why people are STILL talking about THIS celebrity disappearance!". Witchy World Web.
CENTRAL AMERICAN WHINTOSSER
"There are few creatures more misunderstood than the Central American Whintosser. These little guys have three whole sets of limbs, one for each side of their triangular body, but no one ever asks them if any of those limbs are made for hugging! Natives of the Central American isthmus, this volcano-dweller’s habitat once extended all the way up to the southern coastal ranges of the United States, until rumors of their alleged vicious demeanor and near-impossibility to kill led them to the brink of extinction in the early 20th century. While pods of Whintossers can still be found in the wild, the majority of them now live in a nature reserve on Barranco Fiero, a Guatemalan volcano shoddily translated to ‘the Wild Gulch’ by American cryptonaturalist Al Falco."
- L. Bratton. "Monster Is a Four-letter Word". Wizard Wildlife Weekly.
GIANT AQUATIC SERPENT
"Thousands of lakes dot the Canadian landscape, but there’s one not found on any Muggle map: one known simply as “l'Abîme”, tucked away in the forests of northern Saskatchewan. No man (or woman) has ever been able to measure the true depth of this lake, but locals know something lurks far below the surface…
"The Deeplurker, l'Abîme’s elusive leviathan, rarely makes an appearance above water. Decades pass between sightings, and accurate information is hard to come by. One witness describes the animal as ‘four—hell, maybe even five whole hockey rinks long,’ while another paints a picture of a beast devouring entire boats, crew and all. The clearest report comes from Gord Dougal, Jr., who was nine years old when he fell through the ice on l'Abîme. He details his encounter with an impossibly huge and grizzled creature, with teeth as big as the boy himself, and cloudy, unseeing eyes. Gord’s report leaves some room for skepticism—he was very young, he was in shock, he’d lost his glasses in the fall and it was dark under the ice—but something enormous did push the boy back to the surface that day, and it seemed to show no interest in swallowing him whole."
- C. Hacker. Stygian GASes.
MOTHMAN
"'BoNE did such a good job on the Appalachian Lepidopterites and their king that even most wizards think there's just the one of em,' says retired BoNE archivist Carolina Carbutt. 'They think he's a bird, or an alien, and if he's anything, a menace and a bad omen.'
Here, Carolina pauses, stubbing out her menthol cigarette. She's quiet for a while. I can see the regret in her eyes. 'Wish we could have spun it different. He ain't any of that. None of em are. They all have the Sight, you know. When they Saw what was gonna happen to Silver Bridge, they went to help. And what'd they get? A dead queen and all the blame. It's a damn shame. A damn shame.'
Carolina shakes her head and drains her coffee cup. 'He ain't been the same since he lost her. I think she'd've thought that following he has now is pretty funny.'"
- P. Oswyn. Excerpt from "The Man, The Moth, The Legend: The Manufactured Celebrity of the Lepidopterite Seer-King". Mystic American.
THE BEARRET
“This beautiful animal is a prime example of the kind of fauna you can only get here in this little pocket of Appalachia. Ohhh, you guys, this is a real treat. The Bearret hasn't been spotted in the wild since 1889 — Al Falco even declared them extinct in the Thirties, and now we have one right here on our campus!
“... Okay, okay, Bearigold got a little bigger than we expected. Falco said they grew to the size of house cats, but maybe Falco’s house cats were also the size of grizzlies. Either way, she’s harmless. Come on, pet her, her head only looks like a bear. It’d be scarier if the ferrety part was the face, am I right?
“... Look, it’s not her fault you smelled like fish! She was just playing anyway, she didn’t even get you.
“... I won’t release her into the wild. She can’t hunt, she only has three paws, I don’t even know if the Bearret clan is still hanging around here. I’m her only family! As long as the kids don’t try to pet her while they smell like fish, it’ll be fine! She’ll knock over Thorntrail’s trash and scare the students from time to time, and I’m sure nobody sees any problem with that.”
- George Trullinger, Excerpts From a School Board Meeting, 5/5/2017
THE MOODY MUSCHERON
"Cryptoanthropologists agree that the most menacing thing about the Toadstool Fairy is its resistance to taxonomic classification. Each clan is different from the others, and even within clans there is very little consistency in exhibited traits. Some Toadstool Fey resemble living mushrooms with tiny limbs and dark eyes, while others bare eerie resemblance to humans overgrown by fungus. They are otherwise a surprisingly agreeable people, given that they are members of the wee folk. With a few exceptions, Toadstool Fairies are peaceful tree-dwelling sap farmers and occasional cleaners of carrion drawn to woods dense with magical power.
“... The affectionately nicknamed Moody Muscheron found in the heart of the Peckenpaugh School of Magic in West Virginia are the only known instance of Toadstool Fairies living so closely with humans. This predominantly fungoid clan earned its name from its reputation for taking revenge on students who harm their home, harass their members, or just look at them funny."
- M. Rauve. An Encyclopedia of Lesser Mischief Makers.
BUB
"After my lecture, I had the great pleasure of taking tea with Peckenpaugh's groundskeeper and his dog. The MACUSA's Bureau of Magical Beings designates Mr. Bub as a Level 8, Unclassified Being, a fact which he, himself, finds very amusing, though he wouldn’t explain why. While Mr. Bub, with Professor Kwan interpreting, had a great deal to say about the history of Peckenpaugh and all the people who have passed through it — unsurprising, given his arrival predates even the lifetime of their ghostly Muggle Studies instructor — about himself and his canine companion Bonifacius, he is coy.
"I say that Professor Kwan interpreted for us, and she did, but Mr. Bub said nothing during our lunch. Professor Kwan seemed to know what he meant by a particular tilt of his head, or one of the many soft trilling noises I'd initially mistaken for mere thoughtful humming.
"While Mr. Bub was loathe to speak about himself, he did promise to keep correspondence with me. It is my hope that I may someday have more details to share about Peckenpaugh's most interesting resident."
- L. Lovegood. Excerpt from America Paradoxa: Adventures with the Unclassified Magical Creatures of North America.
TIMOTHEYE
- Don't.
- Stop it.
- Leave him alone.
- If I say he’s mad about something, then he’s mad about something and there’s no use arguing with ME about it.
- NO poking, prodding, teasing, tickling, or TOUCHING of ANY KIND.
- NO putting makeup or other accessories on him.
- NO perfume, cologne, lotions, fresh nail polish, hair spray, or shampoos with strong scents. They exacerbate his allergies.
- NO reading Ayn Rand where he can see you.
- NO covering him up. He can’t get free on his own and it’s just cruel.
- NO prolonged eye contact. It’s been known to cause mood swings and hallucinations. Not for people. For Timotheye.
- NO asking him to prom when you know he can’t go. It makes him sad.
- NO starting cults based around him. He knows you guys are just making fun of him.
- NO ASKING HIM ABOUT THE ILLUMINATI.
Timotheye has been a part of our library family since 2016 and he deserves to have his wishes RESPECTED. Anyone caught disobeying these rules will be ejected from the library and possibly also from time and space, depending on Timotheye's mood and sense of mercy.
- from a Library Notice, Sept 2019, posted by Yassir Zahidi
jesus fuck
POCKET IS THE GHOST OF ANDREW WKwh
what
andrew wk is alive and well
No
You can't
Because you're watering a stupid plant
Instead of thinking about what's really important
Which is the identity of our resident drunk party bug
just
tell me your theory
before treetops sees you wasting paper
on the drunk party bug
When we say We Want Fun she knows it's time to Party Party Party
yes and
She's a girl who knows The Power of PartyingWants you to Party Til You Puke
oh my god no
DON'T
I'm Not Going To Bed
I Got to Do It
I’m Ready to Die
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING
SHE’S LIKE A GENIE
YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL HOW YOU
YES
VICTORY STRIKES AGAIN
IT’S TIME TO PARTY
JONATHAN
I WAS AT THE PONY PARTY
I'M NOT GOING THROUGH THAT AGAIN"
- note found in greenhouse compost, autumn 2018